In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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