Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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