and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
