Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
