isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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