If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
