the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
