Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
