they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
