I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
