I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
