Yo dont text me then not text me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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