Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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