Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
