If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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