I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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