I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
