how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you had me at cake vodka
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
