he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
