I want to stick my p in your. b.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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