are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
