i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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