I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
