apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
