I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
