ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
