His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
