oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
