Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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