Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
