the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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