Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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