I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
