friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
