Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
