They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
