Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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