I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
