Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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