To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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