It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
