I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
how drunk are you?
Several
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
