Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
