I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
