i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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