I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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