yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
