my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
