I want to stick my p in your. b.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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