Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
