No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
