do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
