I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
