We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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