she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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