i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
