By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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