Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
