sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
