i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
