OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
