Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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