I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
