I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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