I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
