ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
