Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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