I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
