Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
