he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
