Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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