ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
