I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
