Someone shit on the floor
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
