Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
