oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
