At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Houston, we have a squirter
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize