plz talk dirty to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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