she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
