So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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